We face difficult hardships and struggles in life, but the real challenge is how we grow and learn from overcoming them. This can only shape our character and impart wisdom that can’t be gained from textbooks alone. One develops a deeper understanding of life's realities and becomes more responsive to other’s struggles allowing for a deeper human connection. There are many life lessons that we simply cannot learn until we face certain situations in our life. Throughout our lives, we keep rising and falling, picking up important lessons along the way.
5 years back, I had a fight with Asha, my bestie. Though the issue was petty, both of us were egoistic to start talking again expecting the other person to initiate the conversation first by saying something first. Essentially, neither of us wanted to be the one to break the silence. May be, we were both unsure of what to say or how to approach the topic at hand.
I met her last year at a common friend’s wedding. We simply embraced each other resolving the issues without needing to verbally say "Sorry." The hug was enough to settle the issue and move forward positively. No discussion on the fight that happened 5 years back. Your fault, My fault, Our fault. Nothing. All sorted out, but we lost out those 5 beautiful years just because we waited for each other to speak first only because of our own EGO.
80% of our anger is our ego. We love to blame our anger on the circumstances, but maybe the real issue isn’t it/him/her/them, maybe the real issue is our own ego. We tend to blame others excessively for mistakes, feeling the need to be "right" all the time. We feel what we think about the other person is always right, failing to understand the situation the other person may be in and the reason for his/her behavior. We tend to interpret the reality in a way that suits our own perspective. We often blame the other person for not speaking or texting first. In the process, we lose days, months, years and perhaps the person too. Somewhere, we allow our ego to run our lives. We prioritize our own needs over others and in the process have difficulty in understanding other person’s perspectives. We have to try not to let our ego block our ability to see the reality, but to be understanding and empathetic. Let go of the need to be right or in control all the time. Letting go is not about eradicating your ego, but using it to guide you in the right path and be peace with yourself.
Some months back, I met my school friend, Sameer. Being heavily focused on his career, there was no communication happening between him and his father for number of years. This led to a strained relationship with the father feeling neglected and the son missing out on an important bonding time. Last night, I got a call from him that his father had expired. His voice sounded full of regrets. He realized his mistake but it was too late. His father had gone too far that offering an apology now would be ineffective and not accepted, as the damage was already done and the opportunity to rectify had passed. He was feeling deep remorse and sadness because he didn't communicate with his father when he was alive and now that he was gone, he could no longer mend the strained relationships. This left him in a heavy sense of loss and regrets.
Sometimes, people underestimate how quickly time can pass and may believe they have more time to connect with their parents or dear ones than they actually do. Don’t ever think our actions can’t return to haunt you, because they can and they will. If we don’t or can’t spend a lot of time with our loved ones, make the time we do spend with them “Special”. We will value it later, when they’re gone. Speak to your dear ones before it's too late. We should make an effort to have meaningful conversations with our parents now, while we still have the opportunity, as time can pass quickly and we may regret not having those conversations later on when they might be older or less able to communicate fully. It will be too late to begin again, too late to tell them how much we love them, too late to do all of the things we most desire. We often take for granted the moments we have, assuming that there will always be another chance to mend fences with loved ones. But the truth is, there are no guarantees in life.
Of all the values, my parents had instilled in me, perhaps the most important one was that of education. There was not a single day that went by where I didn’t think of the sacrifices, they were making to give me a good education. There was this guy in my college who used to mock me for my dressing sense, my physical appearance what you call as body shaming, my middle-class values, my outdated beliefs, habits, tastes that were not in line with the current trends or modern standards. From an early age, I had seen my parents struggle to give me the best education possible. So, my entire focus was solely on my academic pursuits, prioritizing studies above other activities or interests or any negatives in my life. Hence, all I did was remain calm by ignoring his behaviour and simply removing myself from the situation. This always deprived him of the reaction he wanted to see in me.
When someone mocks at you, it is reflection of who he/she is. People project their insecurities on others. They have two choices, either to work on their insecurities which involves taking efforts or making fun of others & projecting their insecurities on others. If you observe these people and their lives minutely, you will realise that this is exactly what they do. They are lazy, they don’t want to make any efforts. They feel powerful when they make fun of others and when you react to such people, that is exactly what they want. They need some drama in their otherwise boring life, some attention to feel worthy. Mocking others is all they can do in their life. If you argue with them, they will bring you down to their level. The best you can do is ignore such people as they are losers. And this is what I did. I created my own boundaries and focussed on myself and my LIFE.
Some months back, I met him at a house warming ceremony of a common friend. He managed to get my mobile number from someone and asked me for a meeting as he was feeling guilty for his rude behaviour years back. I DIDN’T BUDGE, maybe I am sounding arrogant, but I had nothing for him, neither hatred nor love nor any concern. He had everything, four flats, two luxurious cars, number of accounts in various banks, etc. I had nothing of what he had, but everything of what he didn’t have and that is PEACE OF MIND. He was still dwelling in his past wherein I had moved ahead in life. He was living in a world that didn’t exist anymore to me. I forgave him and released him from my past, my present and from my own self for a peaceful future. This helped me to be happier, thus releasing myself from the negative emotions associated with the situation and continuing with my life.
Holding on to the past prevents us from moving forward in life by constantly focusing on what has already happened, essentially, being stuck in the past. I let him go without even seeing him in person. I didn’t want to keep contact with him or re-establish any contact with him. One can’t pretend that some incidents never ever happened in their past, but of course one can choose not to let it control their present and future.
Everyone has a back story, their own biography, a different history or collection of past events that have made them who they are today including experiences, bonds and circumstances that occurred before the present situation. Most of these back stories aren’t very interesting. If one knew the stories of most people, then it would be far easier to feel empathy for others and of course resolve the differences easily. Life lessons teaches us to face the painful and difficult experiences we encounter in life with different kinds of people with diverse characteristics, personalities, backgrounds or ways of thinking which results in attaining peace by the value of forgiveness, letting go, moving ahead in life thus leading us to more meaningful and genuine relationships.
