Reflecting on Life as a Gifted, Highly Sensitive Individual: Career in Hospitality, Sales, and Teaching

At 63, I reflect on my life with six mothers—my real mother and five sisters. Growing up as the youngest, I often felt isolated, unaware that I was gifted and highly sensitive. My school days weren’t fulfilling, but I found comfort in music and later pursued a career in hospitality, sales, and operational management, ultimately achieving "Teacher of the Year."

Picture: My brother and Sisters wen they were young

Now my age is sixty-two years, so I can look back on a long period of life, a life that I had to share with "six" mothers until almost now. By this I mean a mother and five sisters. So, I grew up with five sisters and two brothers. Of this large number of children, I was the youngest, the Benjamin.

How did I look at the rest of the family in my younger years?

As a child or toddler, I honestly didn't have much on me for the rest of our family. I was a descendant, my youngest sister, the second oldest in our family was already seven years older, so she started primary school, when I was still pooping in diapers. The rest were already at marriageable age or at least were already dating. One of my brothers had a mental disability, he understood an eight-year-old child. I was often alone at home playing in the garden, I didn't have any friends.

Why didn't I have any friends as a child?

I write above that I didn't have any boyfriends at the time, I thought I knew why, but three years ago that turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. As a child I didn't know that I was gifted and highly sensitive, I only found out when I was sixty. In my childhood I thought it was because I wore glasses with thick lenses, and had urinary problems, because for that I was called cross-eyed and smelly. That I was different in other respects was not understood by anyone in the sixties of the last century. My older brothers and sisters were in a different phase of life than me, for them I had to appear more serious and older to connect, according to the teachers at my school I was too serious and mature for my age?

Was school educational for me?

If I was very honest, my school days have brought me relatively "little", except maybe reading and writing. I was often introverted, and had no connection anywhere, so I read myself, according to others too difficult books, and watched the 5 news with my father in the evening, and the current affairs programs on television. I didn't feel lonely in my own opinion, but more on my own. I liked to listen to music of all kinds and got my truths from it. First, kinds of genres, but later mainly the Dire Straits, and the gospel music of Elvis Presley. When one of my sisters died at the age of thirty-five, I was nineteen, at the same time my mother died, she was sixty-four. I could remember both those ages for a long time. Thirty-five, sixty-four and forty-two were ages for me that I used to think I would never reach like that!

What age do you think you will ever reach, or never think about this?

You wonder why I also mention the age of forty-two? Some people probably know that Elvis Presley died at this age. It may sound very depressing to you, but that was my "normal" thoughts. My parents were from 1916 and 1917, years from the First World War. You will probably understand that they were not highly educated, but in my opinion they worked hard. We all got a "pre-war" good upbringing at home, hard work, and not too much whining. Parents had to ensure that their future was secured. My brothers and sisters lived in their own reality, the eldest were also taken out of school early to help in the household. 

Would you also flee from such a reality?

My older brothers and sisters sought their own way in my early childhood, in my eyes they chose a partner, from whom they expect a certain security in the rest of life, they knew a lot, but they thought so at the time. No one knew at the time that I was "different." I chose my own path, not the easiest, but I took the opportunities that I thought life gave me. Sometimes I found the right people around me, not that they understood me, but they helped me further in my search for life. Via the hospitality industry, I rolled into sales, and further into operational management. Not that I understood all those things, but I probably found my way because of the giftedness. I even became "teacher of the year" in adult education, little did I know? My parents, brothers and sisters, are now all but one of them deceased, I am happy with my wife Monique, our Labrador Pip, and our two cats Ross & Joey, and we hopefully live happily ever after!

Uncovering Ancestry: Secrets, History, and Family Heritage

Delving into family history reveals fascinating and sometimes scandalous secrets. Understanding your ancestors' lives, professions, and affiliations provides insights into your heritage. This journey can unearth hidden truths that shape your perception of the past. Acknowledge these complexities with compassion, recognizing historical context and the limited knowledge of past generations to form a nuanced view of history.

Picture: John Templeton Foundation

Exploring Your Family History

Have you ever delved deeply into your family history? Understanding your family structure and lineage can be both fascinating and enlightening. Where did your ancestors come from? What cities or towns where they born in? Tracing their origins can reveal a lot about your heritage. But it doesn't stop at locations. Have you uncovered what your ancestors did during their time in these places? What professions did they have? To which religious denominations where they affiliated? Were they business owners or co-owners? If they owned businesses, what were their trades or services? Did they produce goods, and if so, where did they source their raw materials? Where did their products go? Did they trade domestically or export abroad?

 Uncovering Family Secrets

As you dive deeper into your past, you might uncover secrets—some benign, some perhaps scandalous. Did you discover any shady dealings? Are there aspects of your family's history that you'd rather not talk about, things that can't stand the light of day? Were there "wrong" relationships within your family? For example, did your great-grandfather, himself a father of eight children, have an affair with a neighbor or even a family member? Such revelations can be shocking and might lead you to question who your ancestors really were. What did these people do in the distant past that might make you want to condemn them today?

Confronting Dark Family Secrets

If you know these secrets, you’ve likely made judgments about them. Often, we embrace the positive aspects of our heritage while trying to keep the negative ones hidden. Since few people typically delve into your family history, these secrets often remain buried. But imagine if others suddenly discovered your "family secret." They might find out that your great-grandfather was a terrible person—a sadist, rapist, or slave trader. Someone who caused immense suffering during his lifetime.

Has Your Secret Been Discovered?

Many believe that the suffering caused by past generations is long gone, especially if it happened during a war. However, imagine your current neighbor bringing it up recently. Ed, the neighbor from two houses away, found your family history in an old library book. Unbeknownst to you, Ed had discussed this with his wife, who then shared it with her friends, who subsequently told their partners and children. These discussions often lead to a snowball effect, where the story spreads further and further. People talked about how they didn’t see your grandfather’s behavior in you but speculated it might be in your genes.

Do People Look at You Strangely?

You might have noticed people looking at you strangely at the grocery store, but you never connected it to the story about your grandfather. You thought it was your imagination and went on with your life. Until one day, Ed talked to you again, revealing how horrified everyone was when they discovered your great-grandfather’s story. This news can be devastating and might make you feel judged for something you had no part in.

Can You Defend Yourself?

You explained to Ed that you knew the story but that it was slightly different. You tried to contextualize your great-grandfather’s actions by comparing them to the harsh realities of survival during wartime. Despite your explanation, the damage was already done. You were seen as a descendant of a brutal rapist, and people around you advised caution. The fact that your great-grandfather was also considered a hero by some was irrelevant to them.

How Will People Judge You in the Future?

What’s the moral of this story? Today, much attention is paid to historical figures once deemed heroes. These individuals, depicted in paintings or statues, were once spoken of with great respect. Now, we reassess their actions and often condemn them. History, until recently, was written by victors. It’s crucial to understand that historical accounts are not absolute facts. People of the past had knowledge only of their time. General civilization didn’t exist as we know it, and literacy was rare until Martin Luther's time (1483-1546). Luther’s work revealed discrepancies between church teachings and the Bible.

What Will Future Generations Think?

Future history books will reflect our actions today but remember that historical accounts are not absolute facts. People of the past had knowledge only of their time. General civilization didn’t exist as we know it, and literacy was rare until Martin Luther's time (1483-1546). Luther’s work revealed discrepancies between church teachings and the Bible. Look at the past with the right perspective, using lenses fitted with knowledge and context.

Understanding and Forgiveness

In conclusion, while it's essential to acknowledge and learn from our past, it’s equally important to apply a nuanced understanding of historical context. Our ancestors lived in a different world with different norms and pressures. Before passing judgment, consider the complexities of their lives and the limited information they had. This perspective not only fosters a more accurate understanding of history but also encourages a more compassionate view of human behavior across generations.

Jijabai: Founder of 1 and the great “Maratha Empire”

Rajmata Jijau, also known as Jijamata or Jijabai Bhosale (12 January 1598—died 17 June 1674) is another name for Jijabai.

She was born in a small village, Sindhkhed. The daughter of the royal family, Mahalasabai and Lakhuji Jadhav. Her father was military commander of Nizam Shahi Sultan.

The woman of the brave heart and possessed the quality for equality and brought anti-caste movement early in 16th century in India. She got married at the age of 7 (child marriage was common everywhere in the world). [1] Sindhkhed Raja was the place where she was born and the discussion of the marriage of Jijau and Shahaji Maharaj took placed.

Family life of Jijabai Bhosale

Sindhkhed Raja Birthplace of Jijabai

Jijau was the founder ofThe Great Maratha Empire” after she married to Shahaji Bhosale. Shahaji was also a brave military commander of Nizam Shahi Sultan. The aristocrat of Bhosale family was the origin of the Verul village, Maratha clan (1600-1707) from Maharashtra, India. Both the family of Bhosale and Jadhav inherited warriors of 16th century.

After the marriage of Jijabai, there were family disputes between Shahaji and father of Jijau. However, the couple did not lose the bond, after which decided to live on the Shivneri fort. The couple stood strong against difficult times in their life.

Temple at Shivneri Fort

Shivneri fort temple | Image credit to Wikipedia
Shivneri fort temple | Image credit to Wikipedia

The fort Shivneri was the one divine place not only for Bhosale but to thousands of other local family. Additionally, it was the place where Rajmata Jijau gave birth to the great warrior Shivaji on 19 February 1630. The English traveller, Fraze who visited the fort (1673) claimed that Shivneri was well-stocked with food.

As well as, it could feed thousands of people for more than seven years. [2] However, after the British rules went to live right after the decisive Third Anglo-Maratha War (1817–1818) between British East company and The Maratha Empire. Shivneri went under the control of British Presidency (BEC) in 1820

Jijamata gave birth to total eight children. Out of six were girls and two boys. Shivaji was the one of them who became Chatrapati Shivaji Maharaj (Hindu King). Shivaji named after from a temple on Shivneri fort called Goddess Shivai Devi.

Jijau was clever and brave who got the gist about conditions of poor Marathas in early Mughal Empire. She could see there was no existence of Maratha people in the country. Also, decided to form “The Great Maratha Empire” The idea of forming the empire was quite difficult and impossible to go against the Mughals who were already well established in India, Pakistan and Afghanistan.

The Great Mughals (Emperor) below were difficult to conquer and also had almost occupied all the entire country.

However, one day a small Maratha Kingdom came into existence, proved and showed the power to the entire world.

  • Babur (1483-1530)
  • Humayun (1508-1556)
  • Akbar (1556-1605)
  • Jahangir (1569-1627)
  • Shah Jahan (1592-1666)
  • Aurangzeb (1658-1707)

When Shivaji was born, Jijau started developing his easily grasping intellectual levels. She gave him special trainings of traditional war, current affairs of the Mughal Empires and their social intolerance. As well as, she passed her early social reforming quality traits and well do respect of women etc to Shivaji. The main motto of Jijabai was to get her Swaraj of all the Maharashtra and form a strong Maratha Kingdom.

Forming The great King Shivaji

Jijau never taught him something that break the bond between his beloved people. The Maratha Empire was open to join by Anybody. There was no caste discrimination and abusive behaviour in the empire. Shivaji was a brave Hindu king who had a kind, helpful and supportive attitude that all inherited from his mother.

Jijabai with Shivaji (Credit: Rajkul Instagram)

As well as, Shivaji learned many skills the one great warrior possessed at his early age, e.g., Riding Sword, throwing spear and proper use of shield while fight.

The education of Shivaji was done under the training of Baji Pasalkar and Kanhoji Zade. Shivaji Bhosale had soon become a well-trained horse rider.

The Death of Jijau occurred right after the coronation of her son Shivaji. Twelve days later Jijabai took her last breath on 17 Jun 1674 and her burial build at a small village Pachad, Fort Raigad.

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