If you have fair skin, a perfect slim body, medium height, and petite features, you are
considered the beauty standard in society. Simple as that. No questions asked.
But having even one feature less than that standard makes you a victim. Suddenly, people
feel comfortable enough to comment, suggest, and criticise as if your body is a problem
they are entitled to fix. Society judges you for what you don’t have, knocks out your
confidence, and the insecurity in your body rises the hell out of you.

“Society judges you for what you don’t have. And then hands you
insecurity like it is doing you a favour.”

Here is the part I did not want to write. I am one of them too. Part of the 90% of women
who have spent their whole life being criticised for how they look.
Let me describe my experience. I had so many things that did not fit the beauty standard set
by society. Fair skin, being short, not having the right weight. It was like being surrounded
by bees who were buzzing around my ears and getting stung. Every comment was like a
small cut. You do not bleed out from one. But they add up. And before you know it, their
words just sit there in your head, repeating themselves whether you want them to or not.
They were flawed people who somehow felt qualified to judge everyone else. I wished I
had the courage back then to walk away without feeling guilty. But they always had one
weapon ready. The elders card. And just like that, the conversation was no longer about
what they said. It was about how I reacted to it. Suddenly I was the disrespectful one. The
difficult one. The one with the attitude problem.
I did not understand them at all. They liked to insult younger people through sarcasm or in
the form of teaching. And if we defended ourselves, they played the victim perfectly. Look,
I am not blaming everyone. But most of them behaved the same way. And many young
people have experienced exactly what I have described. Many have been the victim too.

“They insulted us in the name of teaching. And when we spoke up,
suddenly we were the problem.”

Living with that judgement over your mind is the worst nightmare. It never stops. It was
hard when you constantly compare yourself to others. You try so hard to be perfect, almost
succeeding, and then you never forget it.
I tried to isolate myself for some time. Let me tell you about something. Many people have
pointed out that isolation is disastrous, that it only increases depression and blah blah. But
in my opinion, being isolated taught me so many things. Like how to be comfortable and
enjoy my own company. And read so many books that changed my perspective and
thinking. The characters and their stories influenced my own life. For me, isolation made
my personality improve. The process of recovery is something I would never forget.

“Isolation taught me to enjoy my own company. And books gave me the
characters I needed to see myself differently.”

Let me tell you something I have never really said out loud. For a long time, I avoided
mirrors. Not dramatically, not on purpose. I just never really looked properly. I would
glance and move on. No long stares, no studying my face, no doing my makeup or fixing
myself up. I did not see the point. What was the point of looking at something you had
been told was not enough.

Then one day someone complimented me. They told me I looked pretty. And I do not know
why that particular moment hit differently from all the others. Maybe I was ready to hear it.
Maybe I was tired of not seeing myself. But I went to the mirror and I actually looked.
Properly. For the first time in a long time.

And I noticed my hair. How wavy it was. How it had this natural movement that I had
completely ignored my whole life. I stood there looking at it and something shifted inside
me. It was such a small thing. But it felt like finding something I did not know I had lost.
That was the moment I started finding new strength. Not from some big revelation or a
dramatic change. Just a mirror, a compliment, and wavy hair that had been there all along
waiting for me to notice.

And that small moment of noticing myself made me start paying attention to other women
too. Women who looked like me. Women who were not the standard but owned every
room they walked into.

So if you ask me who influenced and inspired me, my answer would be influencers and
models. But I cannot remember all of them. What I do know is that I needed to choose
someone real. Someone who showed a different kind of body, every imperfection turned
into perfection. And the person who inspired me the most was Nicola Coughlan and
Barbie.

I absolutely love their outfits. And the way their curves hug their dress in a splendid way
which is a total slay. I love how Nicola, especially in Bridgerton, wore those amazing
vibrant colours that matched her skin tone. It was just chef’s kiss. Watching them made me
realise something. That imperfections can be turned into perfection by wearing one thing.
Confidence. And also enjoying yourself and adoring your own beauty. That is what makes
you look absolutely stunning.

My conclusion to all these obstacles is this. The remedy is self love and confidence. Once
you find it, you are going to love your life and everything becomes magical. I would not
say that I have completely grasped the essence of it. But it is okay not to have the perfect
amount. You are going to achieve it with time and experience.

Now I choose to embrace my flaws. I don’t want anyone telling me what to do with my
own body. I want to make myself satisfied. Not others.

It is not something that happens once. It is a choice I make every single day. To pick
myself over the standard.

To all the girlies out there filled with insecurity. I have one thing to say: embrace all your
flaws and wear them with confidenc