Finding a catchy book title is a headache, says Gabor Holch

The author Gabor Holch: Worldwide business leaders who try to comprehend China’s unavoidable impact on their livelihoods often ignore the most important voices: those of expatriate managers with years of experience in the country. Based on interviews with China-based corporate executives over five years, Dragon Suit brings to life the country’s swarming cities, recent economic tsunami, unstoppable middle class.
Interview with Gabor Holch
Interview with Gabor Holch, the author of the book, "Dragon Suit"

The man, exposed to various cultures at a young age, is a Hungarian with a deep love for communication, particularly drawn to China. It's the ancient cultural richness of countries like China and India that captivates him. He finds joy in learning languages and excelling in communication.

In his book "Dragon Suit," he explores how business managers in China and other office cultures, from HR to executives, search for professionals to place in their companies. Featuring over 20 high-level individuals, from doctors to businesspeople, who have achieved prominence in society.

Gabor discusses the financial struggles of foreign countries like China. As a coach, he regularly engages with high-level managers, sharing both disastrous and successful cases. The book includes numerous stories of failure and success from clients aiming to do business in China.

The man, exposed to various cultures at a young age, is a Hungarian with a deep love for communication, particularly drawn to China. It's the ancient cultural richness of countries like China and India that captivates him. He finds joy in learning languages and excelling in communication.
Worldwide business leaders who try to comprehend China’s unavoidable impact on their livelihoods often ignore the most important voices: those of expatriate managers with years of experience in the country. Based on interviews with China-based corporate executives over five years, Dragon Suit brings to life the country’s swarming cities, recent economic tsunami, and unstoppable middle class.

Interview with Gabor Holch

When did you first consider writing a book, and at what age, and why did you wait so long? Is there any specific reason? Tell me about you from the beginning and how it all happened to you.  

Gabor: in a way, I have always been writing. At the house of relatives, one of my favourite toys was a typewriter. I already remember around the age of six, if I could find one, I started punching away for fun. 

I wouldn’t say I waited long. I published in journals and conference papers already during my studies, and I published my first book based my graduate thesis. Since then, I published two books in English and an order two in my native language, Hungarian, and about a hundred articles. 

As an executive coach, trainer and consultant, I am constantly bombarded with problems that people face, and both good and bad solutions. Writing is a great way to share these ideas without charging high fees. Some ideas naturally shape into articles, others into books. 

You wrote a book, “Dragon Suit.” How did the inspiration stick in your head and how did it all start?  

G: it started with 15 years of coaching international executives while living in Shanghai, and working in China and other east Asian countries. However, the problem with coaching is strict confidentiality: you cannot share the stories you hear. In recent years, I revisited former coaching clients and asked them to share their stories with me as a writer. Dragon Suit is a result of these interviews, which I structured into a book, reflecting a typical expert journey from the decision to relocate until an expat leaves China and somebody else takes their job. 

What was the most inspiring story in the book that it forced you to write, and why? Do you have any favourite characters from this book?

Dragon Suit: The Golden Age of Expatriate Executives In China
The Golden Age of Expatriate Executives In China

G: The most inspiring character in the book might be Renata, a CFO from Brazil, working at the Shanghai branch of a large industrial company from her native country. Her China expat story is a fascinating journey, starting with a tough personal leadership style and the fairly bad chemistry with China, but ending with a moving transformation as a leader, and wonderful stories about her connection with her local team, the city of Shanghai and China itself.  

How many characters are there in the book, and did you find it difficult to begin with? And thus, how did you overcome that?  

G: I interviewed over a dozen executives for the book, and another half dozen people who support them: coaches, executive search professionals, human resources, managers, and even their doctors. 

It wasn’t too hard to get these interviews, because as a coach, I support dozens of people on their expat executive journey every year, as a trainer I help hundreds, and as a conference speaker, I meet thousands of people. Each interviewee had the choice of having their name published, or appearing anonymously, which made it easier for people who wanted to share, intimate stories, or juicy details about their professions. 

Have you ever thought about self-publishing your book, and why did you not take a risk about it?  

G: Of course, I thought about it: all writers do. But ultimately, I love working with the kind of super smart, super strict teams that good book publishers provide. The process of an expert team trimming your manuscript can be painful but ultimately, it makes the book so much better. Publishing houses also supercharge other aspects of the book as a final product, such as the cover design, marketing and retail. 

Writers must work hard to get a deal from a decent publisher, but in my future writing career, I will still go in that direction. 

Why did you choose business? What was the reason behind it? And why not a fictional story to muse your readers?  

G: I chose executive leadership as a topic because it surrounds me in my daily professional reality. In some of my keynote speeches, I start by saying: “A German, a Mexican, an Indian, and three Chinese walk into a meeting room. This is not a joke, this is my job.” 

I have been experimenting with writing fiction since I was a teenager, and a few years ago I even took a creative writing course to improve my skills, where the project was a novel. Eventually, I will publish. But for now, I feel that real stories, serve my readers better. There are both horrible mistakes and respectable best practices in business. There is also a fair amount of scepticism towards multinational companies and their executives. I would like to show people who read my books and articles that anything can be done right, even the kind of work that large multinational corporations do. 

What is an expatriate executive in business terms? Do you think there is Western influence on China? If yes, what are those influences?  

G: In narrow legal terms, an expatriate executive is someone in a high-level leadership position at an international company, whose salary, bonuses, living budgets, and other benefits are paid from their home country. These are the kind of people who started flooding into China in the early 2000s. 

Of course, the West had enormous influence on China. In the 1980s, around the time when my father was working in China as part of a Hungarian engineering team, the leadership in Beijing ended the country’s struggle as a state-planned economy, and Leninist state system, by opening up to the West and developed Asian countries like Japan and Singapore. They borrowed know-how in a wide range of sectors, from macroeconomic theory to how to manufacture cars, pens, and how to raise chickens. This teamwork between East and West is often forgotten as people write and talk about China’s miraculous rise as a modern economy. 

Do you carry your pocket diary and pen? It is one of the most famous traditional ways of collecting notes. However, it still looks old-fashioned, yet it is so effective and stress-free. How do you collect ideas while writing?  

G: I always walk around with a small notepad and pen, and if I carry a briefcase, I also have a larger-format notebook. Of course, these days, it might seem easier to take notes or make short voice recordings with your phone. But remember that for the human brain, handwriting is a much more creative process. In a notebook, you can create ideas “out of the box” the way you cannot in the linear text that you enter into your phone. You can draw, make charts, underline, circle, connect ideas with arrows, and so forth. 

Like many writers and creatives, I also love the smell, touch, colour, and quality of some stationary products, and can walk around in shops selling them like a kid in a toy store. In my workshops, I use markers and post-its that make people think and share ideas playfully.  

Which are the best and strongest economic cities in China, and what are the businesses that you have learned about?  

G: Over 90% of foreigners who live and work in the country are in a handful of cities, including Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen, which is really one big conurbation, and recently a few cities west of the coastline, like Chongqing. For historical reasons, the Chinese government built almost the entire foreign-facing industry of the country in these places, either because they used to be the concession ports that traded with the outside world or, like in the case of Chongqing, because it was a national capital and industrial centre in the early 20th century. 

So, if you live in one of the cities, you are surrounded with all industries, from investment banking to automotive and light industries, such as companies making computers, toys, and clothes. 

I never differentiated between clients from different sectors, but for some reason, there are a couple of industries that love the coaching, training and advisory solutions we provide with my team. These are car companies, banks, technological firms, and suppliers. But we also worked for a dizzying variety of companies, from Steinway pianos to five-star hotels to Wall Street hedge funds. Learning about how people live and work, and how they build executive careers in these realms is the fun part of my job. 

Every book has a storey and an author who wants to convey a message. In your case, what is the key message in your book that you want to convey to the readers?  

G: On one hand, I simply wanted to show people how international managers work in China, because this country is still one of the most isolated in the world. There are more foreigners living in Tokyo than in the entirety of China. In my speeches, I often mention that there are more people working at State Grid, the national electricity provider in China, then there are foreigners in the country. On the other hand, many international companies and expat managers quietly fail in China, and some even create huge scandals when they make a big mistake. But there are also countless successful partnerships, whose stories I hear as a coach and consultant. I wanted to find a way to share those stories with people who work, or aspire to work in this country, so that they can do a better job for themselves, for their employees in China, and for all countries involved. 

Why the name "Dragon Suit" and what is the message hidden in this book, especially in the business terms?  

G: To find out the story of Dragon Suit, just find a way to read the foreword of the book. The dragon is powerful symbol in China, especially every 12th year that people call the Dragon Year according to their traditional calendar, including this one, 2024. As for the Suit, it is a metaphor of high-level business decision-makers, the ones I meet every day. As for the rest, I don’t want to spoil it for you in case you have a chance to read the book. 

I know that China is the second-largest economic country that has power and money. What are the most significant recent developments in China, in your opinion?  

G: China is the first, the second, the fifth, the twentieth and so on, depending on which indicators you watch: population, GDP, GDP per person or something else. 

I arrived in China in 2002, and at that time the big national program was integration into the global economy, as well as other areas of human activity like sports, culture, tourism, and so on. The leadership at that time called this “the coming-out party of the nation.” This mood lasted until the mid-2000s. 

If you want to understand what is happening in China right now, you must digest a mixed picture. In some areas, like incorporating and financing international companies, China continues to open up to the world. But in others, the leadership decided that China should limit foreign exposure. Examples for this are China’s participation in scientific cooperation and education, the sharing of digital data, imported literature and art, or large-scale tourism in and out of the country. This also coincided with a dramatic decrease of the number of foreigners living and working in the country. 

So, in comparison to 10 or 20 years ago, foreigners, visiting, or moving to China will find a more challenging environment, and fewer fellow foreigners, but also more opportunity to put themselves to the test in a new environment, and learn an awful lot about how work and life are conducted in this enormous nation. 

Charles Bukowski poems: Bluebird is about sad, love and sex

Charles Bukowski

Alcoholic nerves of Charles Bukowski had many feelings, he was a king in poetry representing life of Sex, violence, love and crime. Almost all of absurd life. Everyone want to read Charles Bukowski poems. Here I found the one, "Bluebird".

Charles Bukowski poems
Charles Bukowski poems are famous worldwide.

One of the great authors of nearly 40 books (including Short stories, Poems and Novels) from New York City and attended Los Angeles city college. Charles Bukowski (b. 16 Aug 1920 — d. 9 March 1994) was German-American poet. He was a heavy drinker and never remembered his best poem written without a glass of liquor.

From his some quotes and poems it has proved that he was a lover of loneliness and his mind works the best when he spent time only with nature. Astonishing thoughtful mind of Bukowski who was best at observing people and their life. He was a great believer of “man takes away nothing when he dies,” keeping that sense he used to live his life like a free bird.

To do a dull thing with style-now that's I call art

Charles Bukowski

In his autobiographical book, Ham On Rye, tales of ordinary man, he wrote how fearful he was, often boys bullied him and got many rejections from girls during college and university. The first spark of love for words was at thirteen. When he moved to New York, his hopeless calendar was full of travelling weeks with many rejections at every door. And from all the crowds, almost many months.

I don't think I have written a poem when I was completely sober

Charles Bukowski

Until he passed the difficult exams of failures of careers in his adulthood, it was like — he was walking miles searching for water in the desert. At the age of 35 Charles Bukowski roamed the city in dark, empty stomach and pockets. Bukowski continued watching dreams, nightmares, keeping hope optionally in the second pocket. However, he never forgot smelling, tasting the words and his wild rhythmic thoughts pouring on the papers.

He was jobless but never hide his expressing strong emotions to poetry lovers. Those days, he said that alcohol, pen and paper were the best companions. His erotic, criminal and chasmic thinking never let him sleep but to keep him awaken and produced best-selling poetry books in later years.

Charles Bukowski Poems are famous. Here is the one I found, bluebird

Thoughts of Bukowski were more toward inclination of death and killing scenes, settings and notes of a dirty old man left every one thrill. Poems of Bukowski were all about realism, fearless, relationship, violence, romance, sex, erotic and his poems somewhat deep thoughts of all and his pen love to walk through the fire.

close up shot of a bluebird on the grass | Charles Bukowski poems: Bluebird is about sad, love and sex.
Charles Bukowski poems: Bluebird is about sad, love and sex | Photo by Tina Nord on Pexels.com

Poem Bluebird by Charles Bukowski

There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
You want to screw up the
works?
You want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever,

I only let him out
at night sometimes

when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
Then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with ours
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
You?

Also read: suicidal poet, Sergei Yesenin who proved that despite having bad habits (heavy drinking and outburst publicly), his soul was clean.

And poet: Amy Levy who gave up her life at very young age but her poems and analytical skills is difficult to depict her melancholy life. Robert Stevenson was very passionate about travelling despite his bad health but his poem: “Autumn Fires” won hearts of many.

Tya Doghi | त्या दोघी

त्या दोघी आत शिरल्या
फतकल मारून दोधी
त्याच्यासमोर खुशाल बसल्या.
तो हसला, ती हससी
तिच्या आईदेखत त्याने,
तिचा हात पकडला.
अर्धा तास तब्बल
हात नाही सोडला.
जीव कासावीस झाला
तो थोडाही नाही लाजला
वरुन विचारतो शहाणा.
ताई नास झाला नाहीना
दातओठ आपण खाऊ नका
रागानेही पाहू नका
हेवा त्याचा करु नका
अर्ध्या तासानंतर मात्र
दोघीही हलकेच हसल्या
बांगड्यांचे पैसे देऊन
दुकानाबाहेर पडल्या....

Icarus

icarus short story

All he could hear was the roaring of the crowds below him and his father’s warnings on how to control the instrument. Though his vision was fine he was blinded by the beauty of the clouds and mesmerized by the feeling of the wind of another atmosphere that no one had experienced before him. All of this was never planned but soon had to be because of his father Dedalus’s gift and the thought of losing his son. Even after jumping off the cliff with a perfect diver’s arc, his father kept on shouting and warning him not to fly too high or too low. All Icarus could think about his father was that He was confident about his new instrument, but not about his son. Funny!

Icarus did pay heed to his father’s warning until he felt his coral pendent flutter, which made him open his eyes to the reminiscence of its past owner. Chryses, he thought, how she would have looked right now, how her hair would look with the Hyacinth set on it, how this pendant would look on her petite frame, and how beautiful her golden eyes would look. Her golden eyes, he yearned to see them again like any other day, and like any other day, he looked at the sun. The only difference he could see was that it was bigger than usual. As he went on flying, he closed his eyes for a moment just to see her and only her in his memories. He had first seen her by the Hyacinth Garden picking the flowers and was as if struck by lightning. Her existence itself had left the young Icarus with such an impact that although they never exchanged words of greetings, he knew her likes and dislikes, her foes and friends, and her thoughts and wishes. Although he was never acknowledged by her he was happy with his unrequited love, but not for long. The very essence of a creature like her made the boy resolute in marrying her no matter what.

But who knew that fate had other plans, who knew that on the very day of her eighteenth birthday in the town square asked to marry her and before she could respond engulfed her in his embrace, that she would be called shameful, that she would leave him forever. It rained as if Nature were mourning the miserable fate of Icarus. As the raindrops falling on his face caressed him with pity, he saw his beautiful Chryses getting dragged out of the sea, her eyes still golden yet dull. With the unbearable suffering of grief and loss, he went on a hunt like a mad lover to look for those eyes. Those eyes that did not lack life and warmth in them, those eyes which would regain his sanity and his sunken heart back from the depths of the abyss. He did not care for the screams or the beggings but only for the love, he had lost. Soon declared murderer no less than a monster for blinding many a few women he was sentenced to death. But his search was still not over and thus he planned to fly out of the city to the other places in search of the golden orbs to befit his dead bride.

As Icarus opened his eyes to reality he realized, he was close to the only object that reminded him of Chryses and he could not stop himself from nearing it. His father’s shouting, the gushing of the wind, and the crashes of the sea, all went dull along with his senses as he went on flying close to the sun while unsheathing his dagger with a longing heart. Now even closer how beautiful it looked to him and how much more enchanting it would look on his Chryses. The thought went on and on until the wax melted. The next thing he saw was the vision of the glowing sun growing smaller, barely visible now under the veil of tears, tears of separation from his beloved woman who was hiding behind the feeling of failure. It all ended in a few seconds with a splash and the surfacing of the panting breaths of the boy who knew that although he was far away from the sun, Icarus knew that he could no

longer live and welcomed life’s friend with open arms. With open arms, a smile on his lips, tears of relief that were not visible and only one thought in his mind, Chryses. After that centuries passed and the tale about ‘The fall of Icarus’ was changed throughout history as passed down from mouth to mouth. He was the boy who flew too close to the sun but alas! Not for his arrogance or his foolishness but for his longing. His longing for love.

The Benefits Of Writing, Not Typing, Your First Draft

benefits of writing not typing

The Creative Benefits of Writing Your First Draft

Writing the first draft of my novel longhand is something I’ve begun doing over the past month, and I’ve found it has a number of benefits. I began it because I had stopped writing my novel for a while (I had been reading a book about story structure instead) and wanted something to get me started again.

Writing longhand is linked to journalling, a private occupation. You write only for yourself, and you write whatever you feel like writing. It encourages the link between thinking, creative brain and hand, a link which has been a part of us since we first learned to write as children. 

You may enjoy the process more. It’s a good way to tell the story to yourself. It has the advantage of making sure you focus on the story, not on its possible future readers. The first draft is for you alone. You are its writer and its reader.No-one else ever needs to see it. It’s an example of Stephen King’s often quoted advice abour writing the first draft ‘with the door closed’. 

The informality of writing by hand in a journal encouraged me to jump in and write the characters and scenes I felt like writing, rather than writing in a linear fashion as I had been doing. Having already lived with this story for a long time and written about half of it, I found this easy to do. I found I was spending more time in the minds of my point of view characters, and learned more about them, and their backstories, as a result. I enjoyed the writing, and my wordcount crept steadily upward. I didn’t write every day, but I haven’t missed many, and the progress that I’m  making is encouraging. 

There’s plenty of opportunity to discover new ideas in the writing. Though this kind of discovery writing can be especially effective if you know what you’re trying to achieve in a scene or chapter, i.e. if you’ve already written some kind of outline. That way if you have a new idea, you will know whether or not it will fit into your story, and often even exactly where it will go and how it will nudge the story in one direction or another. 

The quality of what you write doesn’t matter at all in this draft. It can be as messy as you like. (Though make sure you can read your own handwriting!) You don’t have to worry about finding the ‘right’ word or about the quality of your sentences. That means you can write faster, and get more words down. A draft written in this way will arguably have more cohesion than one that has taken a year to write.

There’s an editorial benefit too: you can do a little editing while typing it up. Though you can speak the words too, if your dictation software is good enough to make it worth your while. Not so much if you keep having to stop to correct errors manually.

Other Benefits of Writing, Not Typing

If ‘work’ to you means sitting at a screen, and writing fiction is not your job, why would you want to sit at another screen during your free time in order to write your novel? If you get yourself a notebook and pen you will be able to feel that you have taken a break and you will be in a more relaxed state of mind, whether you are sitting in a café or at home.

Your posture will be different (if not actually better; you will probably be hunched over the desk!)  And you won’t be adding to your risk of repetitive strain injury from keying (though we did use to talk about writer’s cramp.)

It felt at first like going back in time to when I wrote my fiction as a teenager, but as we all now spend so much time repetitively tapping on keyboards in front of screens, it seems like a good idea to change our posture now and again, and who knows, maybe change the way our minds work as a result.

You can keep your handwritten novel in one notebook (or a series of them). It’s lighter to carry around than a laptop, and easier to open. (You don’t need a password. No batteries either.)

There are even smart reusable notebooks, The best smart notebooks for 2022 | Digital Trends you can buy from which you can upload pages and save them digitally. 

If you have not created anything for a while, or even at all, and would like to, I would recommend reading Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way Home | The Artist's Way (theartistswaybook.com)  and its sequel, to get you started. It contains inspiration and exercises to get your creative spirit moving again. It has been translated into many languages, and sold millions of copies, inspiring people all over the world.

So, have you considered writing a draft of your novel longhand? Or do you prefer the benefits of your keyboard?

Finding The Elegant Solution

The other day, my brother was telling me about his project to fix the engine on his Boston Whaler boat. He said he started with the most likely thing to fix and replaced that and when it didn’t work, the next week he worked on the next likely thing. 

This went on for a year. Each week he’d work on the boat and repair or replace one thing until, at the end, he’d run out of ideas to fix. So, he went back to the very first thing he tried, the one that was most likely, and changed it out again. And – it worked! Finally, after a year, it sputtered to life and stayed running. His conclusion was that it must have been a combination of factors that caused the problem and made it difficult to tease out.

It reminded me of tinkering with our lives. When something doesn’t feel right, whether it's physically, spiritually or mentally, it’s hard to find the source or maybe even identify what system has a problem. And then we engage in a year long (or more) battle to fix one thing at a time.

Research professor Dr. Alison Gopnik, an expert on cognitive development, talks about the idea of the local optimum from artificial intelligence. As she describes, “It’s when you are trying to do something often you can be in a situation when any small change is going to make things worse, so you just end up being stuck. But if you made a big change, then you can actually make things better.

Exploring the idea further, she says that we, especially as adults, get very good at doing things one way whether be how we turn on our computer or drive to work, and we forget there are other ways. She suggests, “Just doing something that we’re not good at, doing something really different than the things we do every day, can be the sort of thing that will kick you out of that local optimum and give you a sense of other alternatives.” 

One of the things Dr. Gopnik suggests when we get stuck is to spend time with kids. Kids literally have different brains than we do. Their brains are wired to reward them for finding the things that can teach them the most.  Or, adult brains are wired to reward us for getting things done. As adults, we have a harder time getting a sense of novelty because of the habits and life we are locked into.

This is an idea that is of course in no way new. Meditation helps us to open that sense of awareness again. Even when the practice is to focus on just one thing like the breath, we find that open sense of well-being after we’ve completed the practice. As Buddha said, “Most problems, if you give them enough time and space, will eventually wear themselves out.”  

Psychiatrist and author Scott Peck echoed a similar sentiment in an interview. He said that he was able to get so much done in his life because he spent two hours every day doing nothing. When he called it his thinking time, people felt free to interrupt him, so he started calling it his praying time and found he was left alone. 

Which leads me to the conclusion that play, meditation and prayer in many ways help us to face life when things aren’t quite right. It is the practice of doing nothing in a mindful way that can open the doors to elegant solutions. They may be the same solution that changing one thing at a time like my brother did with the boat will eventually deliver. But maybe it’s possible to get to the same place without the aggravation or elapsed time. By doing something completely unrelated to the problem, or even nothing at all. Doesn’t that sound like smooth sailing?

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Writing in English as a Second Language

Step by step blog writing in english

There are many people writing in English as a second language, and doing it very well. Some of them are friends of mine. But they live in the UK, so they’ve been able to learn and adapt to subtleties and changes in the language as they come across them in everyday life. But what if you live elsewhere?

The Advantage (and Disadvantage) of having English as your First Language

I feel that we in the UK take for granted the fact that English is one of those languages which is spoken, understood and read throughout the world. That gives us home-bodies an advantage, but it’s also apt to make us lazy. We can learn to communicate in other languages if we like, but unless we’re going to work or teach abroad, once we’ve left education behind, we don’t have to. And the more languages you learn and use, the greater your understanding of language in general.

Unique Local Words

No matter which language you learn first, you will take in your stride its unique elements which can catch out anyone who hasn’t grown up with them.

The individual regions within the UK have words that have developed locally and are unique to them. (And English is only one of the languages spoken in the UK, but that’s another story!)

A Disadvantage of Writing Poetry in English

On the other hand, those of us who write poetry, like me, have problems finding suitable rhymes. There are relatively few of them in the English language compared to, for instance, French and Italian. So, perhaps in self-defence, our modern poetry has largely moved away from rhyme.

Instead, we often use the ‘off-rhyme’ or ‘assonance. The film Educating Rita famously has the line ‘Assonance means getting the rhyme wrong.’

The Order of Adjectives in English

This is my personal favourite quirk of the English language.  There is a recognised order of adjectives, and the weird thing is that this seems ingrained in us English speakers as if it’s part of our DNA. So much so that, in speech at least, whenever get it wrong and if we did, the result would sound ridiculous. The order is: OSASCOMP, which stands for opinion, size, age, shape, colour, origin, material, purpose. Of course it would be very unusual to use all of them, but if you did, you could describe something as a cute little 1960s square red Swedish leather armchair. But not as a leather red, cute Swedish 1960s little armchair, unless you want people looking at you funny.

English Loves Breaking its own Rules

And there’s another thing – rule breaking. The correct part of speech for the end of that sentence should have been ‘funnily’. But the term ‘looking at you funny’ can typically be used. On the other hand, I could have used ‘strangely’ and no-one would have batted an eyelid.

By the way, you can also use the term ‘batted an eye’ and even ‘batted an eyelash’: they’re interchangeable.

Helpful Dictionaries and Apps

So what can we do to feel more confident about our English usage? We can check online or printed dictionaries for the meaning and spelling of any word or phrase we’re unsure of. We can use apps like ProWritingAid or Grammarly to find and fix any errors. Even in a Word document those little red and blue underlines can help us pick up on a grammatical or spelling error. We all use them – even editors like me.

However, it’s important to be aware that many of them will correct to U.S spellings rather than UK if you don’t change them. But if you’re writing for the U.S. market that won’t be a problem.

Advice for Novelists

If you’re writing a novel in English and it’s not your first language I would recommend asking for line editing as part of your editing preparations for publishing. Your editor will use their knowledge of the language to ensure your writing is easy to read and to enjoy.

3 Important Self-Care Routines for Better Mental Health

man in black blazer sitting on chair

Sometimes, it can be easy to slip into habits that do not benefit our well-being or mental health. Our habits and routines can easily make or break us. I understand how challenging it can be to overcome certain habits. However, I’ve also felt the joy that comes with finally putting my foot down and deciding to change the old repetitive patterns that were keeping me stuck in a feeling of hopelessness. Continue reading my self-care routines below.

Once I zoned in on my daily habits and began to weed out the ones I no longer needed and replaced them with better habits, I felt lighter, more confident, and more willing to go after my goals and dreams. It all started with changing my routine and caring about myself as I would care for a friend. 

These tips may or may not work, but I hope they do. Especially, if you are someone who feels stuck in life. We are creatures of habit and patterning. Once we find out what our patterns are we can then figure out how to move forward with greater awareness than prior. 

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Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Morning Routine 

One of the first things I changed was my morning routine. I used to wake up, check my phone (scrolling for an hour or more on social media before getting out of bed), and then go to the bathroom and prepare for the day. Checking my social media right when I first opened my eyes was setting me up for information overload, comparing myself to others online, and losing a whole hour to mindlessly scrolling. 

Once I took a step back and evaluated how I truly felt after doing this, I came to the realization I was causing my own unhappiness. In October 2019, I deleted all social media that was not related to my writing or art. I began to feel a little better after 2 months. At first, it was hectic, and I wanted to check my feed constantly. 

I replaced scrolling social media with waking up, thinking of 3-5 things I was grateful for, spending the rest of the hour with my son, and getting dressed for the day. My son also started having fewer tantrums. 

I didn't realize he was throwing tantrums because he needed more time with me. While I did spend time with him, it was in small spurts, 10-20 minutes here and there. I hate looking back and realizing how much time I lost with him, all because I was too focused on a silly social media app.

I also started writing out a list of things I needed to do in a day the night before. Seeing the list and crossing out the items gave me a sense of direction that I did not have prior. I’ve been doing this method for 2 years, and it has helped me accomplish a lot of the things I thought I never would. 

It’s important to set up your day for success. There may be challenging situations, but when you set yourself up in a positive manner you are more likely to handle the situation with a clearer head. 

Your morning routine may look different from mine. You know what works best for you.

Here are some ways to see how your morning routine is affecting your day: 

  • Write down everything you do within the first hour when you first get up.
  • Ask yourself how you feel after the hour. 
  • Ask yourself if you are charged and ready for the day, or are you dreading the day to come? 
  • Ask yourself if there is anything that you may need to change or add to help you feel your best. 
  • Listen to your body and emotions, they can be your best guides if you learn to pause and reflect for a moment. 
  • Write down things you want to try to implement into your day and give yourself a month to try it out to see how you feel. 

We all have our morning routines. Personally, I think how we start our day is very important for the rest of the day. Setting ourselves up for better days is highly beneficial for our future selves. After all, one day we are going to look back and see how far we’ve come, or we are going to look back and regret we didn’t take the steps sooner. The time is going to pass either way. 

Alone Time 

Another influential self-care routine is how we spend our alone time. Which can be hard if you are a parent. Still, there needs to be a time when you can breathe and relax, even if it is after the children are in bed. 

When we don’t allow ourselves alone time, we can become overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out from day-to-day life. This can lead to depression, anxiety, and even physical symptoms can appear. 

Here are some relaxing ways I, personally, enjoy alone time: 

  • Take a relaxing bath with Epsom salt. Lavender is one of my favorites
  • Reading a good book. 
  • Playing video games 
  • Writing poetry
  • Sitting in silence and just being 
  • Yoga 
  • Getting in my portable sauna box 
  • Drawing 

There are many ways to enjoy alone time. When you do things you enjoy that are relaxing to your mind and body, you begin to fill your own cup in life. We cannot pour from an empty cup. We need time to recharge, do things we like, and take a little time to nurture ourselves, so we can nurture those around us fully. 

Nightly Self-Care Routine 

Nightly routines are just as important as morning routines. Setting ourselves up for the next day by getting into a routine before falling asleep can help us feel more refreshed in the mornings. Before I made my own nightly routine, I would be on my phone… You guessed it, scrolling through social media until my eyelids could not stay open any longer. I would wake up so groggy and unmotivated. 

To combat this, I started plugging my phone into its charger around 7 pm in my craft/workroom. This helped with not being tempted to grab it and redownload social media just because I was bored. 

I then began to add things like 30 minutes of meditation before going to bed, reflecting on the day, while figuring out if I needed to be doing something different to better optimize my days, and I would write down the next day's tasks. This helped set the foundation for the following day, so I could spend the mornings with my son with no interference. 

Ways you can start a nightly routine: 

  • Evaluate where you are and if you feel as if you wake up refreshed and recharged
  • Ask yourself if there are any habits that could be making you feel drained
  • Start by replacing one thing at a time, if there are multiple things you wish to change 

I started small by taking away a bad habit and replacing it with a better one. I let myself adjust, and then I would add more. I did not want to overburden myself with so much change at once. In the past, I would go all in and not let myself unwind the patterning naturally. This led me into giving up soon after I started something new. Another pattern I had to let go of. 

Occasionally, we take on too much and give up before any real change takes place. It’s significant to pace ourselves. 

Conclusion

As you can see, these changes in my own routines have helped me greatly, and I hope they can help others too. It starts by becoming aware of our own patterning and then figuring out a better pattern to fall into. It’s not easy and there will be times when we fall back into old patterns, but that is okay. Once we become aware of it, we can continue to move forward. 

Getting into better self-care routines can benefit mental, physical, and emotional well-being by helping us build healthy habits that propel us forward in life instead of going in circles with old unhelpful habits.

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Nykaa | A short story

The sweet fragrance of rain drifted to her window, where she stood as still as a statue, making the moon her spotlight. Our heroine, or ‘Nykaa’ as she was dotingly called by her friends for the dramatic flair she had to her movements, was fond of the rain more than anything else, and she had good reason. It was raining when she fell in love. The tenderness with which the ground received the droplets was the same as the tenderness her lover showered her with. She extended her hand to catch some of the drizzle and feel their gentleness.

It was nature who comforted her after our Nykaa felt the numbing stab of abandonment and the harsh tranquillity of life. It was her belief that both of them shared the same sky, the same rain and the same sun that consoled her when she felt her heart close in. In a way, she supposed nature became her lover.
But tonight was different. Tonight, she wanted to remember everything so that she can forget. The mist on her hands made her all the more aware of her recollections. Our Nykaa remembered the early days of her love, when everything the poets wrote came true.

Flowers bloomed when they walked by, and the stars seemed to dull when they looked at each other. She reminisced about the moments which seemed to last forever. The promises they made, the smile forever they gave each other. She recalled the time when her love started to fade. How gradual and unnoticeable the inevitable changes had been. The flair she had, the joy she enjoyed, the affection she let herself get lost in started to lose its brightness. Her life revolved around her love, but now it was consumed by it.

But she could not in good conscience think that her love had grown rotten. After all, how can something so pure ever turn into anything putrid? Our Nykaa was losing the very reason she was called a heroine. And then it happened. It happened and she didn’t even know. Her love went away telling her that he would be back, telling her that when he is back they will live in a house far too big for them, making promises of an eternity together to her, telling her to wait for him, and she did. She waited for him with all her will for as long as she could.

There were letters, for the first few months at least, and her heart swelled whenever she read them. She was the character of a great love story and nothing, nothing can make her feel otherwise. Until, they stopped coming. She waited, wearing her best saree and her magnificent bangles, for another flicker of hope that insured her love, but she never received one. She has a ghost of a smile on her lips, which shines through her tears as she reminisces about these moments now. She was angry. She was angry because with him, he took away her spirit, he snatched her Nykaa from her when he abandoned her and without her spirit, what was she? Without her spirit, she, could not even answer to her name that everyone so affectionately called her.

She re-lived all her pain that night. She wanted to let go, she wanted to snatch back what he took from her. She wore a beautiful saree and magnificent bangles that night too, just as she had when her heart broke. Furthermore, she realised how at those moments, she deceived herself into thinking everything was everlasting because facing the temporary nature of life was too overwhelming. She let herself cry, she let out her heartache, she let herself remember, and then she allowed herself to forget.

There was a time when she loved him more than she missed him and there was a time when she hated herself more than she hated him, but now, right now, she loved her more than she loved him. She loved her tears, her being, her spirit more than she had ever loved him for she had let him go, our heroine had found her Nykaa again.
Her tears stopped, and so did the rain.

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